What a Night!
by WingedFlight
Summary: Edmund is woken in the night by a rather frenzied faun... and it just gets worse. Warning: attempted humour.


_**A/N: **This is my first attempt at pure humor, and it actually didn't start out as a humorous story. That is, I made a humorous prompt for myself, then started writing in a serious voice. That lasted, oh, four, maybe five sentences? I hope the story makes you laugh. And the prompt that started this whole story is at the end (I don't want to give to much away about what happens.) Enjoy, and I hope this makes you laugh! (And if it doesn't, let me know so I can go back to my serious-sounding stories.)_

* * *

_Bang, bang, bang!_

Edmund Pevensie, King of Narnia, blinked sleepily and rubbed his eyes, moaning in annoyance as the last memory of his dream skittered away.

"King Edmund! King Edmund, you are needed urgently!"

Edmund rolled out of bed, falling onto the floor with a loud smack. Rubbing his backside, he swallowed an oath and stumbled towards the door, opening it to receive a loud thwack across the head as the frenzied faun began to knock again.

"King Edmund!" the faun cried, hiding his hand behind his back. "You are needed urgently!"

Edmund rubbed his forehead, already beginning to feel a lump. "You said that already," he pointed out. "Are you going to tell me why, or by whom, or perhaps where?"

"In the High King's study, quickly!" the faun replied, before running off.

Edmund stifled a sigh and stepped back into the room long enough to don a housecoat, before closing his door and running down the hall towards his brother's study.

_Wham!_

"What?" Edmund blinked up from his sudden position on the floor to see the faun apologetically wringing his hands.

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid that was my fault."

"Isn't it always?" Edmund asked, before standing up again. Then he hastened down the hall while attempting to rub his aching head, bottom, and back simultaneously.

- - -

There was no light in Peter's study, and Edmund opened the door to stare dumbly at the empty room.

The faun trotted up behind Edmund and sighed dramatically. "The High King was very rushed. I suppose he left already."

"What?" The High King would need to be _very_ rushed in order to leave without consulting Edmund. "What's wrong?"

"There's a problem at the Ford of Beruna," the faun explained, once again wringing his hands.

Edmund blinked in confusion. "But he would never leave without me."

"It really is urgent," the faun repeated.

Edmund sighed. "How long ago did you last see him?"

The faun frowned in concentration while Edmund resisted the urge to throttle him. "It must have been ten minutes ago," he finally decided.

Edmund leapt for the door. "He can't be too far ahead, then," he exclaimed, and ran off down the hall, the faun following worriedly behind.

- - -

Edmund couldn't believe what he saw before him. The royal stables, usually full to the brim with horses – talking or otherwise- were empty. Completely and totally empty.

"Hello?" Edmund called, craning his neck to see if there might possibly be any horse left. "Is anyone still here?" He couldn't imagine how Peter had managed to get out of the castle with enough men to need all the horses of the stable. "Philip?" Then he remembered that Philip had left to visit his cousins near Beaver's dam the day before.

There was an answering snort from the end of the stable, and Edmund ran over with relief. "Noble horse," he cried. "Would you give your consent to carry me to my brother?" But as he looked into the last horse stall, it was empty.

A trumpeting laugh answered him from behind. "I am no horse, but I would gladly assist you."

Edmund turned in relief and found himself facing – well, actually looking up to – a friendly and very amused elephant.

- - -

Edmund had never learned to ride an elephant – for good reason – and so settled for nestling on the neck in a rather uncomfortable position. "Off we go!" Edmund cried. "To the Ford of Beruna!"

"Will it be wet?" the elephant asked in alarm.

"I thought elephants didn't mind water," Edmund replied.

The elephant lowered her trunk in embarrassment. "I don't mind in the daytime, but definitely not at night!"

"It won't _be_ night if we don't start moving," Edmund grumbled, then spotted an umbrella leaning against the wall. "We'll bring that!" he cried, and the elephant, quite satisfied, took it with her trunk. The faun ran through the entrance, obviously more upset than before. "King Edmund, I couldn't find your sword. I believe the High King took it with him in hopes you would catch up."

"By the Lion, Pete, why?" Edmund groaned, and then kicked the elephant's neck with his heels. She didn't notice.

"Can we please leave?" Edmund requested, restraining his urge to throttle someone.

In reply, the elephant trumpeted loudly and thundered out the stable door. "To Beruna!" she cried in delight. "To battle and glory!"

"Right," Edmund muttered.

- - -

The light was just beginning to show over the hills as the elephant came to a stop by the river.

"It's wet," she shuddered.

Edmund ignored her, looking for any sign of his brother. He could see a flickering light in the distance across the river, and decided to investigate.

"We're crossing the river," he announced.

"But it's wet," the elephant protested.

"And it's light," Edmund countered.

To be fair, the light was barely visible over the hills, but the elephant simply sighed and plodded into the water, holding the umbrella out in front of her face.

A loud howl filled the air, causing the hairs on the back of Edmund's neck to rise. He kept his calm though, unlike the elephant, who threw her umbrella into the air and bolted to the middle of the river.

Edmund just managed to snag the umbrella with his hand, closing it to hold out before him. The howls grew louder, and there was a splash in the water upstream.

"Wolves!" the elephant screamed.

Edmund patted her neck soothingly, while glaring into the darkness. Something splashed in the water right next to them, and the elephant shied away while Edmund jabbed with the umbrella.

"Be gone, foul beast!" cried Edmund, who was really beginning to hate this particular night. "Or shall I smite you with the… sword of the Just?"

There was another splash, the elephant trumpeted in fear, and then Edmund caught the sound of laughter on the far bank.

"Peter?" he called, his voice threatening.

"Hallo, Ed!" came the cheerful reply from the other bank.

The elephant stopped trumpeting in confusion. "I don't understand," she mumbled.

Edmund just sighed.

- - -

Edmund stood on the shore, with Peter and, of all people, his sister Lucy. He was rather wet from the elephant's splashing, and for all appearances, hopping mad.

"This was a bet?" he repeated menacingly. "All a _bet_?"

"Yes, and I dare say I did awfully well," Lucy gloated, dancing about the bank. "Peter thought there was absolutely no way you would attempt to follow him in the middle of the night, especially with no horse or sword."

"I obviously am the better brother then," Edmund stated smugly, before remembering he was mad and scowling convincingly.

"Well I have to admit, I never would have thought it," Peter commended. "I expected as soon as you saw the horses were gone you'd be back in bed."

"And miss an elephant ride? Never!" Edmund scoffed.

Lucy furrowed her brow in confusion. "What was that elephant doing there, anyway?" she asked. "I'm sure neither of us planted her."

All eyes turned to the large, dark form beside them.

The elephant blushed. "It was dark outside," she explained. "And the stable was empty."

"Where _did _all those horses go?" Edmund asked, turning to Peter.

Peter avoided his gaze. "I need to get back to the Cair," he said quickly. "See you." And he swung up onto his horse and galloped off.

Lucy shrugged quickly. "Don't ask me. Peter did all the work." She paused, and then gave Edmund an impulsive hug. "Thank you for your help," she whispered. "Now that I've won the bet, Peter will make no complaints about my going on the voyage to Tashbaan."

"You are very welcome," Edmund grinned. "And it really was run riding on an elephant. And stabbing at imaginary wolves and the like."

"Oh, those were real wolves," Lucy said. "Hevan and his pack came to help."

"Anyway," Edmund continued. "Next time you need help with one of your impulsive bets, don't ask me. I'm not going to do it, whether or not you promise to keep quiet about certain incidents involving duelling squirrels and beehives. Understood?"

"Of course," Lucy answered angelically.

Edmund waited a beat, and then added, "I was wondering if maybe on the voyage to Tashbaan with Susan you might-"

"No!" Lucy cried, leaping away. "Absolutely not!"

* * *

_So here we are at the end of the story, and it's... prompt time! (Which feels a little backwards, but the prompt really does contain spoilers.) So the prompt I wrote for myself was:_

_What is Edmund doing in the river with an elephant and an umbrella while dressed in his nightclothes?_

_And what would seriously make my day is if someone else wrote a different story based on this prompt, simply because there are so many possibilities for where the prompt could go. Anywho, please review, and let me know if my humor worked, or if I need to go hide under the bed and think gloomy thoughts._


End file.
